How To Have Rough Sex (Get Started)

You’ve finally admitted it. You love rough sex. For you, a passionate rough sex experience is the biggest turn on you know. You’re probably a guy reading this article, but you might be a girl. That said, we often tailor our rough sex guides towards men because believe it or not, men seem to be the furthest behind in understanding things.

Rough sex blends pain and pleasure together for a fulfilling, exotic, sexual experience. Many people covet the pain and pleasure sexual experience. It’s a high for them. It destresses them by removing that day’s annoyances and troubles. It’s somewhat meditative. 

Rough sex can feel like a drug for couples. It can inject spice into boring sex lives and save a relationship from doom.

No matter your gender, there are some basic things you need to understand about rough sex before you embark on the adventure. 

Girls Like Rough Sex

Many girls dig a little passionate rough sex action. The clarify I said “many,” and not “all.” That’s an important distinction to make. When it comes to rough sex, you never want to assume anything. Leave nothing to chance. 

But statistics show, over 60% of women enjoy some facet of rough sex. In fact, a rough kinky sex session can be good for your health. 

rough sex guide

That said, a lot of girls enjoy hair tugging and arm grabbing and pinning. Many crave a guy to dominate them while some others want to slap the face of a man while she rides him. 

The reason I make this point about girls enjoying rough sex is that its part of a larger misunderstanding.

Many guys just don’t know what girls like or want. Therefore, they lame ducks in bed. If the girl is wanting a little rough sex action and the guy is caressing away, thinking he’s impressing her with cuddles, he’ll be friend-zoned in short order. 

You shouldn’t assume that every girl likes rough sex, but you should assume she might. And this leads to our next point.

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Consent Is Of The Utmost Importance

Assumptions can be dangerous. Hence why we say the girl you’re with “might” enjoy rough sex. Until you ask, you can’t know. Until she conveys to you what she likes in sex, you don’t know anything.

A hard rough sex session must have consent by both people, including the guy. When it comes to all sexual encounters, consent is the core component. It’s important to leave nothing to confusion.

One of the biggest inhibitions when it comes to consent is that asking what someone likes may feel unsexy. But there are ways around it. For the most part, a girl wants to know what you like as well. So you can tell her what you like and see how she responds. If you tell her you love to pull hair, she might say she enjoys the same. 

You might tell her you desire to push her head down for rough sex oral, and she may reflect a similar desire. 

If you push her head down for a blowjob without consent, she may see you as demeaning her, or worse. But once it is known that you enjoy it as a rough sex fantasy, she may become complicit in the role-playing.

Rough Sex Limits Are Critical

Now we understand that a lot of women enjoy rough sex, but we equally understand we need to seek consent and not rely on assumptions.

So now, what’s next?

Just because she likes rough sex and she’s agreed to it doesn’t mean you just “go there.” 

You need to figure out exactly what she and you like. Because confusion in rough sex limits is just as bad as not having consent. While rough sex and BDSM aren’t exactly the same, they both share a need for defining structure and hard limits.

In rough sex, there may not be a need for safe words. But it doesn’t hurt. In rough sex, simply saying “no” or “stop” is most likely applicable, unless that’s part of the role-playing. And if it is, you need safe words.

The main issue to understand is you and your partner’s thresholds for intensity. How hard do you or her like to be spanked? How rough can the hair pull be? When you grip arms, can you leave bruises?

Rough Sex Can Be a Two-Way Street

Men are a dominant being. That’s true. But many men love to play the submissive role during passionate rough sex. You’d be surprised to learn that many men enjoy a sexy girl slapping and humiliating them, even spanking them. 

But most men don’t want to admit this. It feels, well, a bit emasculating. And given that men aren’t great communicators in the first place, the situation is worsened. 

This is one reason men end up having affairs. 

But as a two-way street, rough sex can occur on equal ground. Meaning, you and your partner can equally deploy rough sex on one another. In such a case, neither you nor your rough sex partner is in a dominant position. 

What Are Popular Rough Sex Ideas?

For women, it’s mostly hair pulling. At least, that’s what gets them going. But the main lust is for control. Most women want to be controlled, but some want to do the controlling. 

  • Biting
  • Humiliation
  • Controlling arms
  • Spanking
  • Slapping
  • Rough Oral Sex

But those are simply the acts. When it comes to hard rough sex, the mental aspect runs central to a fun sexual experience for both partners. 

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You must understand what your partner requires mentally during a rough sex session. Does she enjoy a more formal dominance where you make her call you “sir” and you deploy ropes? Or does she like it more on an impromptu level where you use whatever is in the room?

One role playing idea is the fake fight. This is where you both equally deploy rough sex on one another. We discussed this concept in the prior section.


Rough sex should be a fun sexual endeavor for both partners. But it must be consensual and communication is the key to a fun time. Rough sex tends to lower stress levels and spice up dull sex. 

There are a variety of rough sex ideas couples can try. A good passionate rough sex session can help couples feel more connected.